BUT if you're ready to finally do something positive to control moles for real and regain your sanity, I can help.
Greetings. My name's Brooks Owen. Folks 'round here call me "Grandpa."
I realize I'm not the most refined guy around. But I do know how to kill moles, by golly. Been doing it for 27 years now.
And my guaranteed method makes it so doggone easy. Believe you me...
dead moles don't lie!
Man, Was I Dumb as a Stump
I remember when my yard was the neighborhood "mole hangout." To get rid of 'em, I foolishly bought nearly every goofball "remedy" and tried every half-baked idea that came down the cow lane. Like... moth balls, castor oil, bleach, red pepper, broken glass, firecrackers, hair, exhaust, sonic blasters, poison fake worms, and gum. Good grief!
You name it, I tried it. And let me tell you, none of that hogwash has ever worked. Not gizmos or gadgets. Not vibrators or twirlygigs. And not goofball gimmicks. Never will. Next day, the moles come back. More mounds. More damage. More mayhem.
You know, I have to smack my forehead at how much time and money I wasted over the years on all that horse pucky.
Besides, it's insane to have that toxic stuff around because they're unhealthy and hazardous to your kids and pets. Not to mention they can be harmful to the environment.
On the Other Hand...
...trappin' is the only true and safer way to make sure they're gone. And there's a simple strategy to trap moles a landscaper once showed me, that I've since perfected. Crucial procedures he picked up from a couple of 'ol farmers. A few necessary steps that're often overlooked, yet proven effective time after time after time!
OK, let's stop right here. Despite what you might think,
trappin' moles is a piece of cake.
Yep, based on my 27 years success I've gotten pretty durn good at mole trappin.' I even taught my 16-year-old granddaughter, Brooke, all my "tricks of the trade." Next day, the youngster went right on out and caught two of 'em in her backyard. All by her little self.
One thing's for certain... if she can do it, you surely can.
Do It Yourself and
Now, before I keep on bendin' your ear, I gotta say...
... these methods may not be for you. They're only for folks who're chomping at the bits to vanquish the destructive little rascals themselves and save a ton of money. So hiring a mole trappin' pro may the best solution for you. Just so you know, they charge between $50.00 and $150.00. Depends on where you live.
BUT... you can kill moles by trappin' 'em yourself... you can stop the havoc they inflict before it gets out of hand. That'll make your life much easier, you'll hang on to your hard-earned cash, and you'll feel a a whole lot better. (I call it "mole control therapy.")
Anyways, for years folks have been prodding me to reveal all my mole catchin' secrets. So awhile back (along with Marvin, my mole trappin' buddy) I put all our combined know-how into a handy-dandy 57-page manual that I cleverly call
"Grandpa's Ultimate Mole
In it you'll find every detail of both our stealth-like "die and goodbye" methods to eliminate moles. (I'm not pussyfootin' around... that's a combined bonus of 51 years success!)
The manual reveals the why, what, when, where and the how. All the important tactics you gotta have in your battle-ready arsenal to win the war against these bad boys. Everything's explained, clear as a fresh-washed window.
Does it work?
Durn tootin' it does!
Like Alice Keller in Ohio recently wrote,
"WOW! You do know your stuff. I downloaded your book,
Loaded up with plenty of how-to directions and 33 photos & drawings, the manual shows you exactly how to get rid of moles in your yard 'n garden. Easily. Quickly. Inexpensively.
Let me tell you, you'll get your eyes opened to stuff you won't find anywhere else.
For example, you'll find out all these
What 15 things you should NEVER do if you want to kill moles for good
An easy way to find the ground mole's main tunnel lickety-split... no more guessing or trial & error. Wendell, the old golf course greens-keeper 'round here, taught me this way back in '86.
Which mole trap to use. Nope, they're not all the same! There are 37 types and brands. (Some even look alike.) But Marvin 'n me have the most success with a certain one you can get dirt-cheap most anywhere.
How to quickly pinpoint precisely where to place mole traps for best results
Savvy secrets we discovered to correctly position and set traps
What to do to catch the annoying critters in hard-to-reach locations
When you should set your moletrap (yep, there's a right time and a wrong time)
How and where to set multiple traps, if need be
A devious, yet simple little trick to lure the invading yard moles right into your waiting trap... and should you do it?
An "Old West" move that'll tell you which of your traps catches the most moles
How to dispose of your "catch" the environmentally correct and easiest way
How to snare "top running" moles that raise the sod, thus creating a varicose veins appearance in your lawn ... and why I think you shouldn't do it!
The neat trap-settin' maneuver that my barber, Neal, taught me whilst his razor was a bit too close to my left ear
PLUS... something new I just picked up from another ol' trappin' buddy, Tom. It's a better way to hide set traps that he recently learned from a pro trapper. When he showed me, I had one of those "oh, duh! slap-my-forehead" moments. Just goes to show... you're never too old to learn. (But will it work for you? Well, you decide.)
PLUS... how my friend, Gary, improved the reach of the trap by 300%! I've caught moles real quick with this dirt-cheap add-on. Works like a charm. I told him he oughta patent that sucker, but he don't listen. Says he's just glad to tell you about it. So he gave me a couple of photos and directions to include to show you how to attach it to your trap, if you want. It's pretty easy.
And a bunch more. Like, how to get "inside the head" of the mole... why they do the things they do... what they eat for dinner (and why you should give a hoot)... how they dig tunnels under your yard... and on and on
Oh, one more thing.
I'll also give you all the free mole trappin' advice you need. Just ask. Anytime.
So you see, nothing's left out. I'm giving you "the works." It's as if I was right there, hand on your shoulder.
And after nearly three decades of successfully trappin'
Stop Wasting Time & Money
Here's the thing. Right now, at this very instant, moles are silently gathering beneath the grass. Plotting to make more molehills and tearin' up your nice yard. Which, of course, drives you crazy.
So, as I figure it, you've got three ways to go.
1. You can keep on doin' whatever you've been doin' to get rid of the irritating little troublemakers 'til the cows come home. It won't do any good, but you can keep on spinnin' your wheels, if you're having fun.
2. You can ignore the problem, if you like the moonscape look. Or,
3. You can remove moles like I do. Kill 'em dead! Pure and simple.
And the best part is... you can learn how to get rid of 'em for
a measly 7 bucks!
That's all. Chicken feed, actually, to be well-armed with all our 51 years of proven tips, tricks, techniques and strategies.
Let me ask. Are you frustrated and had enough of those pesky varmints messin' with your yard and finally ready to do something about it right now?
Then make me prove to you that you can at last get rid of moles. Easily & quickly. And start enjoying your beautiful yard once again. Im not even asking you to believe me. All Im asking you to do is to just "try it."
If Im right and you ignore what Im tellin you, the moles'll keep on coming. But if I'm wrong, my 3-way gare-un-tee gets your money back fast.
Now Here's How to...
3-Way, No Monkey Business
OK, now I reckon you're wonderin', "what if I try it and decide I don't like trappin' moles?" Well, no worries with my 3-Way Gare-Un-Tee.
Gare-Un-Tee #1: You never risk a single penny when you take Grandpa's Ultimate Mole Attack Survival Guide for a test drive. Check out the proven techniques. Trap a mole or three and see how you can finally take care of your mole problem... for real!
Gare-Un-Tee #2: If at anytime you're not satisfied, simply tell me and your 7 bucks will be returned to you. Pronto. One year... five years... 10 years... whenever. Yep, your money back any time. No questions. No phony baloney. I figger, if this isn't for you, why pay for it?
Gare-Un-Tee #3: You can keep the "show you how it's done" manual, even if you ask for a refund. Maybe you'll give it to a friend or your neighbor and let them have a go at it.
So you see, you've nothing to lose. BUT you have the very best shot possible at gaining the upper hand and thwarting the damage that moles do there at your place.
Oh, and like they say on the boob toob...
"But Wait, There's More!"
For a short while I'll include three FREE SHAMELESS BRIBES 'scuse me, I mean really nice Bonuses.
Bonus #1 is a handy Guide that tells you 5 simple secrets to help you whip your sorry grass back into shape. It's called...
"Five Easy Steps to a Greener, Healthier Yard"
If your lawn's a pain-in-the-grass, you'll discover five trouble-free ways to beautify your yard that'll save you time, money and energy plus protect the environment, to boot. Learn about composting & mulching, site-suitable plant selections, smart watering, pest management, natural lawn care and all that.
It's good stuff to know after you've taken care of all those ugly mole hills.
Bonus #2 is another Guide called...
Down 'n Dirty,
If you're sick n tired of armies of ants invadin' your place, you'll love these simple concoctions to get rid of 'em. You'll get 34 proven ant-killin' formulas you can make yourself from ordinary, dirt-cheap, off-the-shelf products.
Bonus #3: Grandpa's "How to Trap a Mole" Video. Watch as I find a tunnel, set & place the trap, and catch the mole. (Who knows, I may end up in Hollyweird!)
All three Bonus Guides are included with Grandpa's Ultimate Mole Attack Survival Guide.
So... to Sum It All Up
I'm giving you the very best bargain you'll ever find to help you rid your place of bothersome moles. You'll get
1. Step-by-step details of our "die and goodbye" mole trappin' techniques (that's a whopping 51 years combined experience from Marvin 'n me, not counting the new info from Tom & Gary & Neal)
2. FREE "Five Easy Steps to a Greener, Healthier Yard" guide
3. FREE "Grandpa's Fool-Proof, Down 'n Dirty,
4. FREE mole trappin' video
5. FREE mole catchin' advice
6. My 3-way anytime money-back gare-un-tee, if you're not pleased as punch
7. And... you can keep it all, even if you ask for a rapid refund. (I figger you never go wrong doin' the right thing.)
8. The whole shootin' match for only 7 smackers!
You can't go wrong. I promise.
Now go get rid of your *$#& moles,
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Grandpa Brooks Owen
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